Expanding the Circle - Michelle R. vanDellen, PhD
For this issue’s Expanding the Circle column we are fortunate and grateful to have the first author of the original publication, Dr. Michelle R. vanDellen contribute to the newsletter.
Preferring Others with High Self-Control as Collaborators and Friends
As an incentive to work hard this week, Anne decides to schedule a lunch date for Friday with a friend. As she decides which friend to invite to lunch this week, Anne might consider which friends are likely to available, with which friends she would most enjoy her time, and with whom she most needs to catch up. In our work, we suggest that in addition to these obviously social concerns, Anne might also consider—explicitly or implicitly—how each potential lunch partner could assist her ongoing self-regulatory concerns such as saving money or losing weight. If Anne were trying to lose weight, for instance, she might be less interested in inviting Sarah, a friend who will almost certainly insist they order and share a heaping slice of cake for dessert, and instead be more interested in inviting Erin, a friend who regularly follows a healthy diet. If Anne were focused on her goal of saving money, she might be more likely to invite Alicia, a friend who prefers to dine at inexpensive local joints, rather than Melody, a friend who prefers to dine at upscale trendy restaurants.
When the burden is still ultimately on Anne to pursue her goals and resist temptations, how much does it matter which friends she invites to lunch? With Eli Finkel and Grainne Fitzsimons, I have suggested that even seemingly independent goal pursuits are inherently interpersonal, embedded in the social contexts in which people develop, pursue, and monitor those goals (Finkel, Fitzsimons, & vanDellen, in press; Fitzsimons, Finkel, & vanDellen, 2015; Fitzsimons & vanDellen, 2015). As we have noted, Anne’s friends, more than directly determining the success of her goal pursuits, affect the context in which Anne pursues her goals. Because social relationships matter so much to goal pursuits, research has begun to investigate how people’s motivations may affect the kinds of social contexts they seek. People tend to like others who are higher in self-control (vanDellen et al., 2015), they tend to trust others with high self-control to a greater degree (Righetti & Finkenauer, 2011) and they tend to be more satisfied with their relationships to the extent that the other member of the dyad (either friend or romantic partner) has higher self-control (Vohs, Finkenauer, & Baumeister, 2011). As with friends higher in self-control, friends that are helpful with a particular goal pursuit are valued, and especially when that goal is ongoing or commitment to the goal is strong (Converse & Fishbach, 2012; Fitzsimons & Shah, 2008). Goal commitment likewise promotes increasing distance from friends who may interfere with pursuing that goal (Leander, Shah, & Chartrand, 2011). In sum, people tend to generally value others who are helpful for the goals they presently value and want to pursue.
In one recent empirical investigation of these processes, we investigated whether some individuals—namely people who have high self-control themselves—might be more likely to seek social contexts with others high in self-control. For example, in one study, participants wrote brief ‘about me’ notes and then read two notes purportedly written by other participants. These notes reflected personal introductions that represented a person with high self-control and a person with average self-control. Participants were then told they would be playing a point-earning task and learned the task would require delay of gratification and persistence. Their points would be added to another person’s points to determine entry into a gift card lottery. Participants evaluated each other participant as a potential teammate for this task and selected a collaborator. Although all participants viewed the high self-control target as a better collaborator for this task, the preferences were larger among participants higher in self-control (i.e., +1 SD on the Trait Self-Control Scale; Cohen’s d = 1.83) than among participants lower in self-control (i.e., -1 SD on the Trait Self-Control Scale; Cohen’s d = 1.08). Of note, these preferences to work with high self-control others did not necessarily involve greater liking for high self-control others and did not appear to be driven by perceived similarity to high self-control others.
My future work in this domain involves recognizing the specific sensitivities people develop to determine whether others have high self-control. I am currently conducting a set of studies in which we assess attraction to others after brief four-minute conversations. Initial findings suggest that people with high self-control demonstrate stronger attraction to others with high self-control, but with a twist. Participants’ trait self-control predicted more interest in spending time with others high in self-control and less interest in spending time with others low in self-control only when the target was moderately or highly attractive (as rated by two experimenters blind to participant and target self-control). When targets were relatively less attractive—or participants were relatively low in self-control—they demonstrated no preferences for others with high (v. low) self-control. Paralleling these shifts in preferences for others high (vs. low) in self-control, participants relatively high in self-control only perceived self-control accurately in targets when the target was moderately or highly attractive (vanDellen & Bornstein, 2015). We are also interested in exploring whether people with high self-control recognize the specific ways that others might be useful or are generally drawn to others who are good at self-control across a variety of domains. My lab is also investigating the consequences of pursuing goals with others who share those goals and who may or may not actually be helpful with goal pursuit.
References
Converse, B. A., & Fishbach, A. (2012). Instrumentality boosts appreciation: Helpers are more appreciated while they are useful. Psychological Science, 23, 560-566.
Finkel, E. J., & Fitzsimons, G. M., & vanDellen, M. R. (in press). Self-regulation as a transactive process: Reconceptualizing the unit of analysis for goal setting, pursuit, and outcomes. In K. D. Vohs, & R. F. Baumeister (Eds.), Handbook of self-regulation (3rd edition). New York: Guilford.
Fitzsimons, G. M., Finkel, E. J., & vanDellen, M. R. (2015). Transactive goal dynamics. Psychological Review.
Fitzsimons, G. M., & Shah, J. Y. (2008). How goal instrumentality shapes relationship evaluations. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 95, 319-337.
Fitzsimons, G. M., & vanDellen, M. R. (2015). Relationship Goals. In Simpson, J. A., & Dovidio, J. F. (Eds.), Handbook of personality and social psychology: Interpersonal relations and group processes. Washington, DC: American Psychological Association.
Leander, N. P., Shah, J. Y., & Chartrand, T. L. (2011). The object of my protection: Shielding fundamental motives from the implicit motivational influence of others. Journal of Experimental Social Psychology, 47, 1078-1087.
Righetti, F., & Finkenauer, C. (2011). If you are able to control yourself I will trust you: The role of self-control in interpersonal trust. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 100, 874-886
vanDellen, M. R., & Bornstein, J. X. (2015). Resisting eye candy: When physical attractiveness cues a search for self-control in others. Manuscript under review.
vanDellen, M. R., Shah, J. Y., Leander, N. P., Delose, J. E., & Bornstein, J. X. (2015). In good company: Managing interpersonal resources that support self-regulation. Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 41, 869-882.
Vohs, K., Finkenauer, C., & Baumeister, R. F. (2011). The sum of friends’ and lovers’ self-control scores predicts relationship quality. Social Psychological and Personality Science, 2, 138-145.
Preferring Others with High Self-Control as Collaborators and Friends
As an incentive to work hard this week, Anne decides to schedule a lunch date for Friday with a friend. As she decides which friend to invite to lunch this week, Anne might consider which friends are likely to available, with which friends she would most enjoy her time, and with whom she most needs to catch up. In our work, we suggest that in addition to these obviously social concerns, Anne might also consider—explicitly or implicitly—how each potential lunch partner could assist her ongoing self-regulatory concerns such as saving money or losing weight. If Anne were trying to lose weight, for instance, she might be less interested in inviting Sarah, a friend who will almost certainly insist they order and share a heaping slice of cake for dessert, and instead be more interested in inviting Erin, a friend who regularly follows a healthy diet. If Anne were focused on her goal of saving money, she might be more likely to invite Alicia, a friend who prefers to dine at inexpensive local joints, rather than Melody, a friend who prefers to dine at upscale trendy restaurants.
When the burden is still ultimately on Anne to pursue her goals and resist temptations, how much does it matter which friends she invites to lunch? With Eli Finkel and Grainne Fitzsimons, I have suggested that even seemingly independent goal pursuits are inherently interpersonal, embedded in the social contexts in which people develop, pursue, and monitor those goals (Finkel, Fitzsimons, & vanDellen, in press; Fitzsimons, Finkel, & vanDellen, 2015; Fitzsimons & vanDellen, 2015). As we have noted, Anne’s friends, more than directly determining the success of her goal pursuits, affect the context in which Anne pursues her goals. Because social relationships matter so much to goal pursuits, research has begun to investigate how people’s motivations may affect the kinds of social contexts they seek. People tend to like others who are higher in self-control (vanDellen et al., 2015), they tend to trust others with high self-control to a greater degree (Righetti & Finkenauer, 2011) and they tend to be more satisfied with their relationships to the extent that the other member of the dyad (either friend or romantic partner) has higher self-control (Vohs, Finkenauer, & Baumeister, 2011). As with friends higher in self-control, friends that are helpful with a particular goal pursuit are valued, and especially when that goal is ongoing or commitment to the goal is strong (Converse & Fishbach, 2012; Fitzsimons & Shah, 2008). Goal commitment likewise promotes increasing distance from friends who may interfere with pursuing that goal (Leander, Shah, & Chartrand, 2011). In sum, people tend to generally value others who are helpful for the goals they presently value and want to pursue.
In one recent empirical investigation of these processes, we investigated whether some individuals—namely people who have high self-control themselves—might be more likely to seek social contexts with others high in self-control. For example, in one study, participants wrote brief ‘about me’ notes and then read two notes purportedly written by other participants. These notes reflected personal introductions that represented a person with high self-control and a person with average self-control. Participants were then told they would be playing a point-earning task and learned the task would require delay of gratification and persistence. Their points would be added to another person’s points to determine entry into a gift card lottery. Participants evaluated each other participant as a potential teammate for this task and selected a collaborator. Although all participants viewed the high self-control target as a better collaborator for this task, the preferences were larger among participants higher in self-control (i.e., +1 SD on the Trait Self-Control Scale; Cohen’s d = 1.83) than among participants lower in self-control (i.e., -1 SD on the Trait Self-Control Scale; Cohen’s d = 1.08). Of note, these preferences to work with high self-control others did not necessarily involve greater liking for high self-control others and did not appear to be driven by perceived similarity to high self-control others.
My future work in this domain involves recognizing the specific sensitivities people develop to determine whether others have high self-control. I am currently conducting a set of studies in which we assess attraction to others after brief four-minute conversations. Initial findings suggest that people with high self-control demonstrate stronger attraction to others with high self-control, but with a twist. Participants’ trait self-control predicted more interest in spending time with others high in self-control and less interest in spending time with others low in self-control only when the target was moderately or highly attractive (as rated by two experimenters blind to participant and target self-control). When targets were relatively less attractive—or participants were relatively low in self-control—they demonstrated no preferences for others with high (v. low) self-control. Paralleling these shifts in preferences for others high (vs. low) in self-control, participants relatively high in self-control only perceived self-control accurately in targets when the target was moderately or highly attractive (vanDellen & Bornstein, 2015). We are also interested in exploring whether people with high self-control recognize the specific ways that others might be useful or are generally drawn to others who are good at self-control across a variety of domains. My lab is also investigating the consequences of pursuing goals with others who share those goals and who may or may not actually be helpful with goal pursuit.
References
Converse, B. A., & Fishbach, A. (2012). Instrumentality boosts appreciation: Helpers are more appreciated while they are useful. Psychological Science, 23, 560-566.
Finkel, E. J., & Fitzsimons, G. M., & vanDellen, M. R. (in press). Self-regulation as a transactive process: Reconceptualizing the unit of analysis for goal setting, pursuit, and outcomes. In K. D. Vohs, & R. F. Baumeister (Eds.), Handbook of self-regulation (3rd edition). New York: Guilford.
Fitzsimons, G. M., Finkel, E. J., & vanDellen, M. R. (2015). Transactive goal dynamics. Psychological Review.
Fitzsimons, G. M., & Shah, J. Y. (2008). How goal instrumentality shapes relationship evaluations. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 95, 319-337.
Fitzsimons, G. M., & vanDellen, M. R. (2015). Relationship Goals. In Simpson, J. A., & Dovidio, J. F. (Eds.), Handbook of personality and social psychology: Interpersonal relations and group processes. Washington, DC: American Psychological Association.
Leander, N. P., Shah, J. Y., & Chartrand, T. L. (2011). The object of my protection: Shielding fundamental motives from the implicit motivational influence of others. Journal of Experimental Social Psychology, 47, 1078-1087.
Righetti, F., & Finkenauer, C. (2011). If you are able to control yourself I will trust you: The role of self-control in interpersonal trust. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 100, 874-886
vanDellen, M. R., & Bornstein, J. X. (2015). Resisting eye candy: When physical attractiveness cues a search for self-control in others. Manuscript under review.
vanDellen, M. R., Shah, J. Y., Leander, N. P., Delose, J. E., & Bornstein, J. X. (2015). In good company: Managing interpersonal resources that support self-regulation. Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 41, 869-882.
Vohs, K., Finkenauer, C., & Baumeister, R. F. (2011). The sum of friends’ and lovers’ self-control scores predicts relationship quality. Social Psychological and Personality Science, 2, 138-145.