The Graduate Student Corner: Some (Inter)personal Reflections
Evan Good
Michigan State University
Like almost all of the students who have logged columns about their relationship with the interpersonal theory in the archives of the Graduate Student Corner, I often reflect positively on the numerous ways it has changed me as a person. My path to being interested in interpersonal theory happened serendipitously. I was an undergraduate looking for a letter to graduate school when I was introduced to the circumplex 6 years ago. I did not appreciate the model back then as I do today. However, I felt a natural affinity toward explanatory power and simple profoundness of interpersonal theory since the first time I read Pincus, Lukowitsky, and Wright (2010). That was my initial introduction.
Since that time interpersonal theory has become a primary interest in research, as well as a conceptual foundation in my work as a training clinician. On a personal level it also helps me process my own experiences and the events that take place in the world around me. Approaching my clinical work with an interpersonal lens has been one of the most moving, positive experiences I have had in graduate school. I am often touched by the relationships I share with my clients, particularly when our alliance allows us to explore uncomfortable ideas with authenticity and security. While my role as the therapist often connotes expertise, I often have the experience that my clients’ hard work brings me greater insight into my own life.
When reflecting on the contribution my clients have had on my personal views and own sense of fulfillment, I am flooded with a number of realizations that have had deep emotional impact on me throughout my time as a graduate student –whether sparking my curiosity, giving me a sense of deep connection to others, and/or eliciting tears. For the sake of time and space (and maybe to save content for a future GSC column), I will focus the rest of this column on one of the simplest, seemingly trivial, yet impactful realizations I have come to feel deeply. That is: the centrality of relationships in psychological well-being.
As I noted a sentence ago, at first glance this idea is pretty trivial, particularly to the disciples of interpersonal theory. Anthropologically, this was something I would tell you I knew in 2009. However, simply “knowing” this on a semantic level did not really change how I lived my life. In fact, in a beautifully ironic display of this, I moved away from family and friends to study how relationships are important for psychological functioning. Further, I used my work as an excuse for why I did not have time to engage in the relationships around me. After several months, I realized that I was not very happy, which led me to worry that maybe interpersonal theory wasn’t that thing that could give me fulfillment and meaning in my life. I was unmoored, searching for some moment of enlightenment where I would be struck with a novel and profound realization of my true calling in life; a piece of knowledge I had never realized before but would instantaneously sweep me into a state of passion. That eventually did come, but to my surprise it was very different than I expected. I did not need to go find this thing. I actually needed to stop looking outside myself, and simply observe what I has had the greatest effect on me my whole life: the process of relating to others.
I take careful diligence to include the word process in thinking about the fulfillment I get from relationships. I think that is what I missed back in 2009. It is not simply that having relationships leads to fulfillment, it the means by which we relate to others that brings fulfillment. It is not only participating in shared experiences of happiness with others, but also the intense sense of care and appreciation that can be felt when resolving misunderstanding, or helping to hold another who is vulnerable or scared. It is approaching others with empathy, curiosity, and authenticity. In my life it has meant giving greater priority to experiences I can share with others. Professionally, it has also led me to acknowledge that it is not the content of what I study that will bring me happiness, it is the people I can share that study with that do.
I imagine that other students and faculty belonging to SITAR have also come to know what I have experienced through my journey thus far in graduate school. It is somewhat fitting to me that I write this essay for the SITAR newsletter, not only because of the interpersonal focus, but also because SITAR has created a space for me to share a sense of professional fulfillment with others in the past. Montreal will be the fourth SITAR conference I will attend, and I greatly look forward to experiencing communion with all the members there. As much as I am excited for the content that will be shared, it is the process of intellectual engagement, respect, and curiosity that I look forward to most.
References
Pincus, A. L., Lukowitsky, M. R., & Wright, A. G. (2010). The interpersonal nexus of personality and psychopathology. In T. Millon, R. F. Krueger, E. Simonsen (Eds.), Contemporary directions in psychopathology: Scientific foundations of DSM-V and ICD-11. New York, NY: Guilford.
Michigan State University
Like almost all of the students who have logged columns about their relationship with the interpersonal theory in the archives of the Graduate Student Corner, I often reflect positively on the numerous ways it has changed me as a person. My path to being interested in interpersonal theory happened serendipitously. I was an undergraduate looking for a letter to graduate school when I was introduced to the circumplex 6 years ago. I did not appreciate the model back then as I do today. However, I felt a natural affinity toward explanatory power and simple profoundness of interpersonal theory since the first time I read Pincus, Lukowitsky, and Wright (2010). That was my initial introduction.
Since that time interpersonal theory has become a primary interest in research, as well as a conceptual foundation in my work as a training clinician. On a personal level it also helps me process my own experiences and the events that take place in the world around me. Approaching my clinical work with an interpersonal lens has been one of the most moving, positive experiences I have had in graduate school. I am often touched by the relationships I share with my clients, particularly when our alliance allows us to explore uncomfortable ideas with authenticity and security. While my role as the therapist often connotes expertise, I often have the experience that my clients’ hard work brings me greater insight into my own life.
When reflecting on the contribution my clients have had on my personal views and own sense of fulfillment, I am flooded with a number of realizations that have had deep emotional impact on me throughout my time as a graduate student –whether sparking my curiosity, giving me a sense of deep connection to others, and/or eliciting tears. For the sake of time and space (and maybe to save content for a future GSC column), I will focus the rest of this column on one of the simplest, seemingly trivial, yet impactful realizations I have come to feel deeply. That is: the centrality of relationships in psychological well-being.
As I noted a sentence ago, at first glance this idea is pretty trivial, particularly to the disciples of interpersonal theory. Anthropologically, this was something I would tell you I knew in 2009. However, simply “knowing” this on a semantic level did not really change how I lived my life. In fact, in a beautifully ironic display of this, I moved away from family and friends to study how relationships are important for psychological functioning. Further, I used my work as an excuse for why I did not have time to engage in the relationships around me. After several months, I realized that I was not very happy, which led me to worry that maybe interpersonal theory wasn’t that thing that could give me fulfillment and meaning in my life. I was unmoored, searching for some moment of enlightenment where I would be struck with a novel and profound realization of my true calling in life; a piece of knowledge I had never realized before but would instantaneously sweep me into a state of passion. That eventually did come, but to my surprise it was very different than I expected. I did not need to go find this thing. I actually needed to stop looking outside myself, and simply observe what I has had the greatest effect on me my whole life: the process of relating to others.
I take careful diligence to include the word process in thinking about the fulfillment I get from relationships. I think that is what I missed back in 2009. It is not simply that having relationships leads to fulfillment, it the means by which we relate to others that brings fulfillment. It is not only participating in shared experiences of happiness with others, but also the intense sense of care and appreciation that can be felt when resolving misunderstanding, or helping to hold another who is vulnerable or scared. It is approaching others with empathy, curiosity, and authenticity. In my life it has meant giving greater priority to experiences I can share with others. Professionally, it has also led me to acknowledge that it is not the content of what I study that will bring me happiness, it is the people I can share that study with that do.
I imagine that other students and faculty belonging to SITAR have also come to know what I have experienced through my journey thus far in graduate school. It is somewhat fitting to me that I write this essay for the SITAR newsletter, not only because of the interpersonal focus, but also because SITAR has created a space for me to share a sense of professional fulfillment with others in the past. Montreal will be the fourth SITAR conference I will attend, and I greatly look forward to experiencing communion with all the members there. As much as I am excited for the content that will be shared, it is the process of intellectual engagement, respect, and curiosity that I look forward to most.
References
Pincus, A. L., Lukowitsky, M. R., & Wright, A. G. (2010). The interpersonal nexus of personality and psychopathology. In T. Millon, R. F. Krueger, E. Simonsen (Eds.), Contemporary directions in psychopathology: Scientific foundations of DSM-V and ICD-11. New York, NY: Guilford.